How does a temple differ from a mosque?

Not in the character of God but in the costumes of the worshippers.

Why don’t you go to the temple every Sunday?

Hindus don’t believe in Sunday Gods.

What is the speciality in Hinduism that a Hindu need cling to?

The numerous beatings it takes and yet pops out like a cuckoo from a clock.

Militant Hinduism! Why don't you preach it yourself?

I do preach it but words can't make warriors out of cowards. Warriors are cradled in the arms of brave mothers.

Why is a recent convert more fanatic than others?

In his effort to still the little voice of conscience, he makes more noise, for conversions are rarely convictions.

How would you answer this charge of a foreigner : “Hinduism has no history” ?

Hinduism is the history of all foreign and Indian races. India was the cradle of Aryan civilization when Europeans were mere barbarians.

Has religion got anything to do with culture?

Religion is the culture of soul.

Why religions were founded, are founded and will be founded?

Religion is the conscience of sin. Once in a while some one comes along and excavates the human conscience from the pile of unholy acts and we call it religion.

What is the relation between the country and its religion?

A country is the temple, religion its divine flame which people, the devotees, keep burning.

What is the best prayer of God?

Remember Him but ask Him nothing. Immediately you ask Him for something, He gets frozen.

May I know the utility of God?

Useful as a touchstone for human virtues and some one to pray to and blame when things go wrong.

Do you think it would be better for us to stick to the religion of our birth or to adopt the one considered best?

The child takes its first sip of religion from its mother’s breast and the first taste never disappears through the conversions.

Have you ever thought of Friday, the departure day of Jesus, Lincoln and Mahatma Gandhi?

Millions of others die daily on Fridays. Death has only seven days to collect its crop and in this cycle of seven days it reaps the world.

Do you fear God?

Much less than I fear men. God does not acquire prejudices as fast as men do.

If God switched off the Sun tomorrow, which God forbid, what would happen?

The world would be sinless. It is light that makes darkness a long hour of sin.

It is said in the Bible that God created man after his own image?

God didn’t write the Bible. Men wrote it and in doing so defamed Him as a miracle-monger.

What is the difference between nature and God?

Nature is the halo of God. Even God needs glamour.

Which is more beautiful : this life or next?

The next one, because with each death man leaves behind some dross and enters the world again in a more refined state.

 Can death be more painful than life?

Death has an undying reputation for relieving pain. It is life that is painful.

What is the difference between a temple and a tomb?

In a temple there is hope enshrined. In a tomb there is memory buried.

What is the ideal behind the idol?

Behind the idol is the human mind and whatever image it can imagine of God. Even in the Muslim prayer, the devotee looks at heaven and creates in his mind an image of God. Whether the image is cast in stone or in mind, it has to be there as a point of concentration during prayer.

What is luck?

Something that provides one more proof of God and His blind management of our affairs.

Do you believe that future is a lazy goddess?

And blind and unreasonable too!

Why do people generally begin worshipping God in old age?

By that time the Devil becomes anaemic and makes room for God.

Why did God create flowers?

To give the world His definition of gentle beauty and polite fragrance.

What is the difference between a mistake and a sin?

Mistake is a friendly estimate of an act, sin is the prudish one.

If vice is filtered what will be the residue?

Desire!

What is truth?

Poison – to be used with great care.

Is death painful?

Yes, to the dear ones around.

Why is there evil in this world?

To advertise virtue!

Have you ever seen God?

I have felt His presence in the different pains of life. God is both love and pain.

Define pleasure.

The sweet edge of pain!

Who rules the world : God or Satan?

God rules it but Satan runs it.  

What is your answer to atheists?

Don't bother! God doesn't need a defence

Doesn't it sound communal when you call yourself a Hindu?

Would it sound secular if I call myself a non-Muslim? A Hindu who is ashamed of his Hinduism is a disgrace to his mother. 

The Hindus don't hate Pakistanis. Why?

Hindus are busy hating themselves. They have no time for others. 

Don't you think that Islam is an ideal religion?

No. A religion that teaches intolerance is far from the ideal.

What do you appreciate in Islam?

The absence of an agent between man and God and the disappearance of social status while in prayer. Islam is a very simple religion but its illiterate followers have turned it into a fanatic fury and in doing so have given it a bad name.

Is there any caste distinction among Muslims too?

Not while praying and killing kafirs. In everything else they have as many castes as the Hindus have.

What do you admire in Christianity?

Christ. The rest of it is found in other religions too.  

How to bring peace in the Naga Hills?

By removing the Christian missionaries and educating the tribes to wear the Gandhi cap.  

What keeps the Communists alive?

Loot, murder and arson! That is their staple food.

How did the Communists choose the red colour?

They took that colour from the Czar's blood.

Do you hate Communism?

No. I don't like the violent part of it.

Who owns Pakistan at present?

A jungle of dacoits has no title deeds.

The Pakistan Constitution contains just twenty-four articles?

That is too much tax on the brain. All that Pakistanis need is a two-article constitution : Islam vs Kafirs.

Has Pakistan any territorial ambition?

Pakistanis are not very greedy. They want to annex only India.

Pakistanis shout "Hindustan Hamara Hai"?

You don't expect freebooters to know the Law of Torts!

Why do the Pakistanis often open fire on Indians on our border?

Mustn't they test American aid before they pass the American bills?

What is the future of Hindus living in Pakistan?

The dead ones have no future. They have only a past.

Are there temples in Pakistan?

No. The Hindu gods were declared evacuees by the Muslim custodians and their homes taken away.

Can Pakistan afford a war?

With religious fanatics war is a profession.

What is Friday in Pakistan?

National washing day. The nation smells less for four hours after Juma prayers.